Reflections of An English Major

As I write this dear reader, I am supposed to be writing an essay about the historical context of John Donne’s "A Valediction: of Weeping" and how the modern reader might misinterpret it. It’s my final project for my British Literature 1 course and it’s dense. 
    
​I only have two days left of my first year at college, and I thought I would share some thoughts and insight on my year as an English major. 

This school year has taught me many things, how to work with other people, how to get work done, how to be responsible for myself. I’ve learned about friendships and grief, isolation, creativity, love, humor, roadwork, vending machines, flat tires, and literature. But most importantly this year has taught me how to surrender every part of my life to Jesus and to trust him with an uncertain future. 

I’m an English major. That’s a sentence that a lot of people are confused by, or instantly make assumptions about. They roll their eyes or ask “what in the world are you going to do with that?” One thing I’ve been learning through my experience so far in this field is that people don’t understand a lot about the industry and the richness of the English language and literature. It’s a misunderstood career with a lot of people believing that there isn't a viable path. This has cemented in my mind the importance of holding onto your dreams. So many times I have felt judgement for wanting to be a writer, as if the career I’ve been pursuing for years is insignificant and unimportant. But this year I have met other students with similar dreams, and I’ve met professors who believe in me and my abilities.

​I guess what I am saying is that you will be rewarded if you hold onto your seemingly silly dreams. Maybe your dream isn’t writing books like mine is, but I want to champion you and encourage you to keep going. Who cares what they say anyways. Study novels, write stories, drink lots of tea while you annotate poetry. You know what you’re doing and where you’re going even if no one else does.

That leads me into the next thing I learned this year. Romanticizing your life, if you make time for it, actually works. I get a thrill when I light a candle and make a cup of tea and pull out my cute highlighters to annotate Chaucer. Sure I despised The Canterbury Tales, but it was so much more enjoyable with my medieval pilgrim ambiance video in the background. Do your math to a jazz playlist, write your essays at a coffee shop. Take time to unproductively study with your friends in the library. These are the moments that make your life interesting and beautiful, and I believe, help you to be a better student in the long run.

I’ve grown a lot socially and emotionally this school year. I’ve dealt with so many challenges and experienced so many joys. I learned how to center myself on Jesus in the middle of the chaos that happened in my life. I learned how to connect with others in my classes, my church, my job, and everywhere I go. I think emotional growth and social growth go hand in hand. College stretches you socially, and I think that this in-between your teenage years and adult years grows you emotionally. It’s been beautiful, it’s been heartbreaking. There were days where my life seemed like a Shakespeareian tragedy, and other days when my life was the ending of an L.M. Montgomery novel. And that’s just part of it. Not just college but life in general. 

I know a lot of you aren’t in college right now, maybe you’re a few years away from it, or it’s something in your past, or perhaps you never went. I hope that even you can glean something from this post that is about college. 

I’m not going to lie, I have a deep love for higher education. I love the freedom of it, I love learning from different people, I love the aesthetic of it. I love study playlists and in between, class coffee runs. I love writing essays and taking practice quizzes. I love knowing my campus and seeing people I know all around it. 
I love getting good grades and attending classes. 

This school year I learned about Beowulf’s influence on literature, Fanny Burney’s influence on Jane Austen, how Taylor Swift’s Blank Space falls under the category of a neoclassical work, and how Roald Dahl wrote a story about a murder by leg of lamb. I learned the difference between a meteor, a meteorite, and a meteoroid. I learned about Pavlov and his dogs, the American civil war for the millionth time, and lines, shape, and color (I swear I’m not in second grade.) 

I’ve grown a lot. If all I get out of my college experience is a deeper understanding of myself, then I think it’ll be worth it. I’ve learned that I function well with routine as opposed to chaos.  I’m the kind of person who has to make sure she takes care of her body and mind because everything else ends up stemming from that. 

I’ve been learning how to surrender. In Christian circles surrender is a word we throw around a lot. We talk about giving our lives to Jesus as an act of surrender, raising our hands in worship is an act of surrender, we surrender decisions and relationships to Christ. But how do you actually surrender? See surrender isn’t giving in, or letting go, it’s sacrificing. Surrender is removing perfectionism and control from your life and the situations that surround you. Surrendering to Jesus means falling into him and letting him have control. Surrender isn’t easy, surrender isn’t always a relief. You have to learn to trust God, knowing how deeply he loves you and cares about you. So much so that he can handle your situations better than you can. For me surrendering means reminding myself of the goodness of God and how he has worked things out for me in the past and will continue to do so. Surrender is praying before doing homework or writing a blog post. It’s not running away from scary things because you know God is in control.

    What have I learned about writing? Well. I’ve learned that sometimes the things we love have to take a backseat. Life ebbs and flows, sometimes we have to focus on academics and work before our dream careers. Sometimes we will get more enjoyment out of spending time with friends or listening to the same three songs on repeat then we will from reading books or writing poetry. And that’s okay. 

I haven’t written much this semester. It’s not that I don’t want to or feel like I can’t, it’s just that my priorities shift. If I’m not writing 1000 words in my novel each day like I used to be able to, it doesn't mean writing isn’t for me. Your life may not always look the same way it did last year. That’s a beautiful thing. 

Our creativity and the artwork itself changes as we grow, as we go out into the world and do new things. Isn’t that what it means to be a writer in the first place? To tell stories that are rooted in universal human experience? It’s my experience that we cannot write about human experience without experiencing life. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to spend hours on my novel over the summer, but I think it means I’m healing from the lie that to be a writer you have to hit word counts. It’s not about that anymore for me. It’s now about you. The reader. The person who can read my life experiences and be touched and realize that they are not alone in the wilderness of life. 

So there were my ramblings from a year as an English student. If you have any questions I would love you to comment them and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Do you like this style of post with all over the place thoughts?

Belle Thomas

Belle is the writer and dreamer behind An Old Fashioned Girl. She is passionate about reminding girls of their identity in Christ, classic books, history, Louisa May Alcott, and earl grey tea. ​