Self-Love as a Christian

​Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, a day when we celebrate love. As someone who is single, this day has never held much significance to me, but I think instead of focusing on romantic love, we can focus on how to love others, Jesus, and ourselves - yes, ourselves, better.

For the past year or so I have been thinking about the concept of self-love and self-care. It’s a concept that is very popular in the secular world and very much looked down on in the Christian world. Just a quick Google search for a Christian perspective on self-care brings up a slew of scathing articles laughing at the phoniness of self-care.
 
The points often make sense, we are commanded to love others, we are told that he who humbles himself will be humbled, the first will be last, and to leave our worldly desires behind us. 
    
Yes, yes and yes. I agree with what scripture says, but I think in many ways we are missing the point. 
    
​Yes, the concept of self-care and self-love can seem shallow as a Christian, but I have come to believe that there is purpose in it and that, if practiced the right way, caring for ourselves can draw us closer to God.

I hear you screaming “But loving myself is so selfish and narcissistic.” I’m here to tell you that no, it’s not. In fact, in order to live out the commands that Jesus has given us, we need to love ourselves. Multiple times in Matthew, Mark, Luke, Galatians, Leviticus, James, and Romans, we are commanded to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” I think so often we get this commandment mixed up. We cut off the end part of this second most important commandment, “Love your neighbor,” and we forget about the “as you love yourself” part.

Now let me be clear, this verse isn’t commanding us to love ourselves, it’s saying to love our neighbor in the SAME WAY we love ourselves. So it’s assuming that we love ourselves and that we love ourselves quite a lot.

Yet honestly, most of us wouldn’t say that we love ourselves. In fact, we would be embarrassed to admit we love ourselves. 

We don’t want to love ourselves. We think it’s wrong to love ourselves. 

But that’s not true.

As Christians, we are expected to love others the way that Jesus loved us, and if we are also to love others as we love ourselves, this means that to share the gospel, to serve others, we must love ourselves. 
    
​Loving yourself isn’t a bad thing. As we all know the opposite of loving yourself is hating yourself, and very often that leads to depression, self-degradation, and self-harm which we all agree is a bad thing.

Christ thought you were valuable enough to die for, he loved you enough to entrust you with his mission here on earth. So it’s okay to love yourself. You are valuable and worthy of your own love. Of course, we shouldn’t idolize ourselves, or put ourselves on a pedestal, but we shouldn’t neglect caring for ourselves either. ​

When I was a kid, me and my siblings and cousins would do art projects together. Often we would all talk about how terrible our own projects were. My mom would always tell us not to say that because we all had talent. You know, I think we often run away from the idea of loving ourselves because it’s hard. It’s hard to see ourselves with all of our flaws and love who we are. It’s easier to hate our flaws and believe that we will never be perfect. 

I’m not the best artist in the world, I have much room for improvement. But that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the artwork I have made.
  
 In the same way, even though I know that I am a sinner with flaws who needs grace every day, this doesn’t mean I can’t or shouldn’t show love to myself.

Grace at the blog Where Brook and River Meet wrote this which stood out to me, “In case you’re afraid that having self-respect means thinking oneself is amazing and awesome and becoming prideful, don’t worry. If you’re even thinking about that I doubt you’ll become overly prideful.”

She’s so right! If you are worried about pride and self-idolization, you’re in a good place. You will keep yourself in check and make sure that you don’t raise yourself up too high. Remember that humility doesn’t mean disgrace, it means lowliness, quietness, and not thinking too highly of yourself. Humility is not degrading yourself. Thinking less of yourself does not mean never thinking of yourself.

I also think the term that she uses - self-respect, might be easier to understand to our minds that have pushed the idea of self-love so far away. Respect means to highly esteem something or someone, love has a similar meaning, but often we think of love as petting and coddling, which when it comes to ourselves we view it negatively. So respect yourself.

Now that we’ve determined it’s okay to love ourselves, let’s talk about self-care specifically. As Christians, we know that love is more than words, love is action. So in my mind, self-care is acting on the love you have for yourself. In first Corinthians 6:19a it says “Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?” And time and time again we hear the apostles telling the believers to care for their bodies so that they can serve the Lord. 

Paul even tells Timothy to take some wine for his stomach since he is so often sick (1 Timothy 5:23). This is showing that even though he was in ministry, Paul saw it important for Timothy to care for his body.

In all of this, ultimately we have to love ourselves and care for ourselves to accomplish God’s purpose for us in life. To make his name known and to show people the love of Christ. 

How exactly do we practice self-care as Christians? I would say that there isn’t a be-all end-all answer to that question. It depends on you, but here are some ideas and the areas where I think this is important.

Sabbath - all that I am rests

God commanded the Israelites to set aside the seventh day and make it holy. The Sabbath day is both a time for not working and instead for worshipping God. When we worship God we give him the praise he desires and deserves, and we are also allowing him to refresh our souls. On a day of sabbath, we are saying that none of our other life responsibilities are important enough to take away from the rest God grants us. So observe Sabbath. There are many ways to do it, some people practice strict sabbath, and others don’t. Some make sabbath a daily practice and some weekly. Either way, it’s giving yourself time to spend with God and to refresh yourself for the week to come.

​Soul - the innermost part of you
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    Soul care is the aspect of self-care we as Christians are most familiar with. Our soul is the eternal part of us. The spiritual part. So here are some ideas for nurturing your soul and drawing nearer to God in the process

• Practice a strict quiet time, where you read the Bible, pray, and listen for the voice of God.
• Make time to worship God in whatever form of worship you feel most comfortable in. It doesn’t have to be music, you can write poetry, paint, or sit in stillness. Worship is simply anything that gives glory to God.
• Prayer journal - I am someone who processes all of my thoughts through words, so sometimes writing down my prayers is so much more refreshing.

​Body - the part of you that feels
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Our bodies need to be taken care of, that’s not to be neglected. Yes, fitness and diet are very important, but for the sake of this conversation, I am going to talk about healthy ways to let your body rest.

• Take a slow walk with no distractions
• Allow yourself to sleep, whether that means going to bed early or taking a nap, sleep is such a vital thing for overall health.
• Practice breathing exercises. God gave you breath in your lungs, so breathe deeply and remember his peace.
• Dance. Dancing is a joyful expression of emotions, and it is also great for your body. Turn up your favorite music and dance unashamedly.

Mind - the part of you that controls everything

Personally, this part of self-care is the most important to me. I suffer from a mental health disorder and my mind is not always a happy place to be. My struggles with mental health are really the thing that brought me to even consider this topic of faith and self-care. Our minds are so important and the things that happen there affect the rest of our lives. Caring for our minds are so important. Sometimes caring for your mind means bringing silence, and sometimes it means distractions.

• Follow a Christian meditation/listen to scripture (I love Abide Christian Meditations)
  
• Read something that you enjoy
  
• Spend time with someone who fills you up
  
• Allow yourself to be creative without being productive
  
• Give yourself a break from perfectionism
  
• Practice gratitude (honestly, this could go in any category) gratitude has such a dramatic effect on every part of your life.
  

Don’t forget my friend, that it is important to have fun too, eating, playing video games, reading, watching TV, listening to music, exploring, and even shopping can be healthy things to do if treated as fun activities.

One thing I see all of the time is the idea that these hobbies aren’t good or that they take away from a relationship with God. We shouldn’t go to these things for our peace and joy, but in and of themselves they aren’t bad.
    
In all of this, remember that you are loved and valuable. Jesus died for YOU. Not because of the great things you have done, but because you are you. Even if you don’t see a reason, know that God values you and sees you as prized. 
    
​So take some time this Valentine's Day to show a little bit of love to yourself. 

Belle Thomas

​Belle is the writer behind An Old Fashioned Girl. She is passionate about Jesus, good books, and living a beautiful life.