Redefining Beauty

I don’t know who taught me that the difference between beautiful and ugly is. Not only do I not remember the teacher, I don’t remember when the lesson was taught. ​

If we were in my literature class right now someone might say that the knowledge of what beauty is is ingrained into each of us as much as our own individualism is. But I think that’s far too gentle to be true.

I don’t remember when I learned the difference between beautiful and ugly, but I do remember being about four years old, looking into a toy compact mirror and saying aloud that I was ugly. I don’t know where I heard the word. My mom heard me say it and rushed to tell me that I shouldn’t say that about myself because I was beautiful. ​

I’m sure you had an experience like that too. One that didn’t reassure you, but turned you into Alice in a funhouse mirror, and then straight down the toxic rabbit hole. Comparing yourself to barbie dolls, your sister, and cartoon characters. 

And it probably carried into school didn’t it? Comparing yourself to that girl, that celebrity, wondering why your clothes didn’t fit you the right way and if they ever would.

You probably told yourself that your acne was the reason those girls didn’t want to be friends with you. You thought that your lack of blonde hair or blue eyes or whatever it was that you told yourself beauty was, would prevent boys from ever falling in love with you. Maybe you tried to hide your ugliness with glittery lip gloss and purple nail polish, but you still felt like you would never be quite as pretty as you wanted to be. Because it was you that wanted it even though you convinced yourself it was someone else’s fault.

I know you did that.

I know you probably also looked in the mirror and cried wondering when you would get pretty. Your mom probably read you Bible verses about being fearfully and wonderfully made, she probably bought you your first makeup set and told you that we only wear it to enhance our natural beauty. But you didn’t. You wore it because you were insecure.

Maybe someone told you that you were ugly. Too pale, too dark, too fat, too skinny, too scarred, too freckled. Maybe someone told you that boys only like blondes, that brown eyes look like dirt, that there was nothing special about you and you looked like every other girl in the world. Maybe you spent hours trying to make your curls straight or your straight hair curly.

You probably felt that before didn’t you?

Same girl, same. I say all of this because I’ve been there.

Have you gotten over this obsession with beauty yet, or are you still tied to it? I’m not sure where I lie. But one thing I do know is that accepting myself as beautiful has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. It’s funny because it’s not something that happened all at once, we as little girls were told that beauty looked a certain way. Even if no one directly told us, we still knew the standards. You don’t need me to tell you that beauty standards are false and unfair. They are, we all know it, but yet we still conform to them in some way or another. You may always secretly wish to be blonde and as much as the media has tried to portray beautiful women with all shades and styles of hair, you’ll always cling to that ideal. Because if you’re like me, you’ve set beauty standards for yourself. Even if you know deep down that you are beautiful, you may still believe the lie that someone else is better than you. 

We have to let go of our self-imposed standards of beauty.

But what if we reframed beauty in our minds? What if we remove beauty from being solely in association with our physical appearance? 

Maybe if we reframe beauty to be about flowers, trees, and birdsong. Maybe beauty is music, crayon drawings, and concrete buildings. Beauty can be pastry, a mug, a dinosaur toy. Beauty is laughing and smiling and crying. Beauty is strawberries and lightning and a tube of lipstick that's simply just a tube of lipstick, not something to mask your smile. Maybe beauty is thinking a satellite is a shooting star, maybe it’s singing at the top of your lungs in your car. Find beauty in raindrops, in cold coffee, in swamps, in kittens, in poetry, in really badly taken polaroids. Beauty can be garden hose water, campfire smoke, and your beat up combat boots. 

Start seeing beauty differently, start looking around you for the beauty. ​

Maybe beauty is uncertainty, heartbreak, hope, and fulfillment.

Maybe beauty is in time with Jesus in the morning, in screaming his name at the top of your lungs when you are at a loss about what to do. Maybe the beauty is in the forgiveness God grants you. Maybe beauty is worshiping the Lord, or simple sitting in his presence.

And then after you take the time to see this beauty all around you, maybe you’ll catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and it’ll suddenly occur to you that you are beautiful.

After all this time, maybe you'll finally see it.

Maybe your mom was right all along. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. And no one had to tell you it, you just knew it because the character of God is a character of beauty, and all he created is beautiful, with no exceptions.

Belle Thomas

Belle is the writer and dreamer behind An Old Fashioned Girl. She is passionate about reminding girls of their identity in Christ, classic books, history, Louisa May Alcott, and earl grey tea.